Life is funny.
I've always tried to see each "hurdle" as a learning experience. Such practices seem to have served me well. Growing with each struggle, no matter how small...(ie: crying my eyes out when my pet rabbit died vs. crying my eyes out because the boy I liked, asked someone else to prom ;)
If I could handle bad relationship decisions, going from $$$ to close to broke in the shortest time period imaginable, job changes (good and bad), screwing up every good relationship I have going, plus random personal losses...I could handle anything, right?
At this point, I just don't know.
I got Hugo as a baby. He was born with an angular front limb that would require surgery, to straighten out. There was no guarantee that surgery would be effective, since it was experimental. His breeder was against "putting any more money" into him, so he opted to euthanize him. My vet and I intervened and we put up the money for his numerous surgeries, in exchange for ownership. He was full of personality and spunk, even in a full leg cast, with pins in his knees. :) He immediately attached himself to humans (I'd like to think it wasn't just because we bottle fed him, haha).
As he grew older, I had no doubt that he would like to take a seat on the couch and watch TV with me. If my mom had let me, I might've tried. :)
Six years. Not nearly enough.
Whether it's hurting, because you know you care immensely about someone; when you know they presumably won't ever feel the same. To the utterly selfless love of an animal, whom at some point you know you may lose. Or giving yourself to someone, with the knowledge that they have "all of you" and you trust them, as scary as that may be. Maybe, we allow ourselves to take these risks, to open a place in our hearts for someone/something, because, in the end...we love them enough.
Maybe we're supposed to love, to hurt. Maybe that's what makes that feeling, so real.
This feeling's become all too familiar. I wish I knew.
God. I miss him.
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